hi sotce , i love him but sometimes my love doesn’t feel genuine as i know we aren’t meant to be together forever. i feel guilty because of this. what do i do?
love is a lotus flower growing thru mud. we detest the mud and all that comes with it but it matters so much for the flower. and don’t you love the flower? in all its gentleness and beauty. a lotus isnt the kind of thing that can grow in a pot of fertilizer or gravel, it needs the sticky marshy mud, the cold dark water, it grows hairlike roots, it can regenerate in this way for a thousand years
the regeneration is almost more important, the promise of renewal over the pretty thing itself. love of another is never perfect looking or precious. love of another is tied to doubts and sacrifice and the constant paradox of possession and attachment. trust this love to grow many times in your life and appreciate it for what it is.
what i like the most about love is how interdependent it is with your yearnings and dark childhood pains. this is the mud to me, a flower submerged in these truths is more intimate, more determined to grow. the fertile quality of those feelings and wounds filling space around the flower. pay attention to all of it and care for it and never see any part of the system as separate from itself
nothing is ever truly separate. but maybe this is writing for tomorrow
talktome@sotce.com