Sotce, Birthdays Bring Me Sadness And Shame. I Want To Tackle This.

A List Of Questions I've Answered About The Annual Celebration Of Mortality Because Mine Is Tomorrow.

Sotce, I turned 30 two weeks ago. I wasn't afraid about turning this age, I was excited. But when it finally happened a deep sorrow and nostalgia came over me. I suddenly felt old and different, shocked that my 20s - that felt like they would go on forever - suddenly ended, and a new era of more responsibility and autonomy is coming towards me. Felt like realizing that youth isn't forever, that you actually cannot stop time, and that some things don't feel like you expect them to. Thoughts?

Age and its accumulation is quite personal, it’s something you really go through alone. This notion you have that the thirties are an era of responsibility, autonomy, it is a construct of course, but it’s your construct. Perhaps this lesson on impermanence can make you consider your time more sweetly. I think instead of talking yourself out of this reaction you should use it to move differently, in a way that feels more full and present. 

The fleeting youthful energy you talk of– you can always tap into it within yourself, and that’s sort of the point of it. It is always with you, you are only distracted from it.

The way you wear your favorite sweater everywhere and it accumulates memories and it gets older. The way that on your birthday people walk you around and give you cake and alcohol and ask you are you happy? Are you happy? The way that a big birthday party feels like an inside joke. The way people carry their tiny blind infants to the pumpkin patch, to the zoo. The way that every year is a blessing, every day, how not everyone gets to be 30, how crying on your birthday means you are alive and you are grateful for it all.

Sotce, I'm turning 25 in two days. I don't really have anyone I want to celebrate my birthday with around me. What should I do on that day?

Maybe you’d like to make a playlist of your favorite songs from all your walks of life. Maybe you’d like to take this with you on a walk somewhere and journal and eat grapes and mustard. Maybe you’d like to go somewhere new, a train ride to a random small town or a flower farm or a haunted house you’ve always wondered about. Maybe you can write your future self a letter. Maybe the activity is not so important as the intention to stay with yourself and carry yourself sweetly through a day that is often quite heavy and melancholy. Maybe this is not such a bad thing, but something on your calendar that you just have to face. Maybe you’d like to go swimming.

Sotce, it's my 23rd birthday today, was wondering if you would pull a card for me and for this coming year?

I got the seven of pentacles! Patience. 

Happy 12th house protection year.

Sotce, my twenty third birthday is this saturday. I was born on Friday the thirteenth. Birthdays bring me sadness and shame often. I want to tackle this. Here's my list of ideas of things to do on the day: take deep breaths, eat something tangy (a good popsicle?), quality time with a tree, run a bit, make a gratitude list, listen to music very good and loud. What else do you recommend I do to honor myself?

This sounds like a perfect list and I hope you have had a sweet birthday by now. A lot of the ancient heretics I’ve read from write that a person’s birthday is a time for mourning and contemplating mortality, so I hope you got a dose of that if it aligns. 

I recommend putting your feet in a river.

Sotce, how long should someone celebrate their birthday?

The month before a person’s birthday and the month that follows are significant, they’re the door hinge of the new chapter. They are the hazy bits around this new age identity. The themes and lessons of this time might carry messages. 

In terms of celebration I'm not sure, I think I’m pretty neutral on celebrations.

Sotce, today it’s my mum's birthday but she’s very sad. She has little or no friends and is always alone and works most of her time. I wish I could make her happy so she isn’t crying for one night.

That's not something you have to hold but I understand why you hold it. I don't think birthdays are a particularly happy occasion. I’ve always thought of them as a day for reflection, a day of remembrance. Birthdays are about the time we’ve burnt and it’s hard for some people to be joyful about that. 

Still, I think that you are one of the joys of her life. maybe you could spend some time together, with the goal not being to make her happy (this is a lofty goal to ask of someone), but rather to show the love and appreciation you feel for her. You can be with her in any state she’s in and love her all the same and I can’t think of a better gift than that. Flowers or dinner would be nice too.

Sotce, today I forgot to wish my grandma a happy birthday, my family threw her a party a couple days ago, and I saw her yesterday and wished her an early birthday. But I feel guilty for not calling or texting her today at least, how can I make it up to her? It’s important to me to appreciate and acknowledge one’s close to me.

Make her cookies or a card or send a present! Spend a special day with her, let your love shine on her, show don’t tell.

Sotce, I'm going to be alone on my birthday and I'm being a baby about it. How can I make the day nice Sotce?

Cake in the park, a date with a painting, it’s spring, you are alive and here, you can see magic everywhere, it’s easy to be happy when you give yourself permission.

patreon gives me the fuel to show up for you in all these corners. watch the guided meditations i have made over the past year, i’m sure you will find something in them.